An open letter to the motorists of New Zealand on behalf of the motoring press.
It has come to our attention that some of you may have got the impression that those of us who make up the motoring press in New Zealand are not exactly massive champions of your collective abilities behind the wheel of a car.
Apparently because barely a week goes by without one periodical or another providing a sharp and critical focus on your recurring habits of reversing over children, squashing cyclists, failing to obey the road codes or just turning yourselves into temporary and bloody modifications to the scenery, people are beginning to think that we, in some way, have been seriously hitting the haterade when it comes to your perceived motoring proficiency.
And we accept that it just might have been possible to interpret from these articles that our overriding opinion is that the average Kiwi has vehicular control skills somewhere between that of a rock and a musk ox.
But after the changing of the ‘Give Way’ rules last week failed to bring about auto-Armageddon, we are more than happy to set the record straight. While we may have hinted that the only thing more dangerous than attempting to enforce a revision of the road code on New Zealanders would be giving every sheep on South Island its own nuclear warhead and that the affect on the nations insurers would have had them fondly reminiscing about the Christchurch earthquakes, we are happy to tell the world that this is not true in the slightest. New Zealanders are in fact excellent drivers who have taken to the new rules like a duck to water and have even started to get their heads around the Victoria Park tunnel by way of an afterthought.
We sincerely apologise for any upset or stress that misinterpretation of our comments may have caused to any Kiwi drivers and would like to take this opportunity to invite motorists the world over to come to New Zealand and witness our population of talented wheelsmiths as they display their excellence in such diverse matters as using passing lanes correctly, driving to the conditions and resisting the urge to rubberneck.
The Motoring Press.
P.S. If a couple of you could perhaps be witless enough to cause multiple shunts on SH1 next week and delay our journeys to work, it would cheer us up no end to know that in fact we weren’t wrong about you after all.