Olympic Lanes Have A Certain Ring To Them

July 23rd, 2012 by Tim Grimley

Despite being told to bloody well harden up and get a smile on their faces by their buffoonish Mayor, Boris Johnson, one cannot help but notice that the folk of old London town are not all overflowing with Olympic spirit. Rather than hanging out the bunting and welcoming the world with open arms, my fellow countrymen are getting in some last minute practise at the one event which we always lead the world: whinging.

And the source of their ire is this: the 2012 Olympics are turning out to be rather popular. Now you might think that given the build up has not run the smoothest course – British weather has been typically ‘seasonal’, G4S has made a monkey’s breakfast of security and the proletariat are winkling up the cobblestones over the surface to air missiles parked in their window boxes – the locals would be delighted that the sports fans of the world are rolling up in their droves, but no. It seems that having a few extra people knocking around is causing a bit of congestion and this simply will not do.

However it would be wrong to dismiss this as simple Pommie whining, xenophobia or small mindedness. The problem is rather more to do with the way the congestion is being caused – Olympic lanes.

Want priority transport? You should have tried harder at athletics class

Mindful of the potential for a public relations disaster that would be caused if every event was delayed by 30 minutes due to the near gridlock that passes for traffic flow inside the M25, the London Olympic team has decided to set aside 50km of roadway exclusively for the use of those associated with the games. So while a handful of athletes and officials will get a comparatively free ride, the millions who call London home will have to struggle by on buses, trains and 50 km less roadway. All of which causes a bit of offence to the British sense of fair play.

Still the world isn’t fair and the good people of London would do well to remember this, because if the powers that be have any sense the lanes will remain in place long after the games have been forgotten. Everyone talks about the importance of these large events leaving a legacy on their host cities and the presence of a restricted transit option could fund London’s coffers from here to eternity.

The human being is an incredibly resourceful creature and by the time the Olympics are over Londoners will have become more than accustomed to making their way around in spite of the new lanes. So why not simply keep them and charge a select band of very rich people a small fortune to have unfettered access to the capital?
Despite the woes of the banking sector, the City of London still has a pretty high density of incredibly wealthy individuals, many of which would pay handsomely for the promise of rapid, private, luxurious transport. Money which could be pumped back into flash buses, ferries and rolling stock to make life that little bit more pleasant for the rest of the worker ants.

And it’s a plan we could easily adopt here in Auckland by introducing a charging policy on the northern bus lane. It may not take much to convince city bigwigs that a lifestyle block just north of Albany is a sensible move if the infrastructure allowed them to bypass the herd on the way to the office every morning. The big smoke has some big plans when it comes to travel and if using our resources to eek a bit of cash from those that can most afford it will lessen the burden – even a little bit – for the average taxpayer, then it must be an option worth considering?

After all, while we may spend the next few weeks going for gold, with the prospect of a total bill approaching $70 billion, going for gold coin should also be a priority.

London Calling?

December 12th, 2011 by Tim Grimley

Curmudgeonly English comedian Jack Dee once said that he disliked the term ‘Old Aged Pensioner’ because it was essentially telling them the same thing three times and it’s fair to say he had a point. Any single word from that terminology could accurately be used in isolation to describe a person of SuperGold Card holding vintage, which means that utilising either of the other two is essentially wasting your breath.

The same could also be said of KEA – Kiwi Expats Abroad – who for the sake of a snappier acronym decided it was necessary to point out that the place for ex-patriot New Zealanders to be found was beyond the shores of Aotearoa. But to dwell on such a point would be a case of extreme pedantry, particularly when KEA has just published the results of its five yearly ‘Every Kiwi Counts’ survey which has revealed a startling piece of information.

46% of Kiwi’s living and working overseas earn in excess of $100,000 per year.

Rather predictably – and it must be said, against the logic of the people at KEA who sagely regard our overseas-based populace as a valuable resource for both current investment and the future – the national media jumped on this as ‘evidence’ of the brain drain the nation is suffering from. Pictures of London’s skyline were emblazoned on the front of The NZ Herald, with the headline “Goodbye NZ, Hello $100,000” almost mocking those of us still slogging away in the Land of the Long White Cloud.

And I’m the first to admit that a $100,000 salary sounds like a lovely thing indeed, but before you start digging out the visa application forms let me add a dose of realism to the matter.

Would you like to take $100,000......

Firstly, as anyone who has tried to live a comfortable life in London will tell you $100,000 doesn’t really go that far. Not if you have aspirations of living in anything bigger than a shoe box, without the need to flat share with a group of alcoholic students with broken body clocks. Yes, there are lots of interesting old buildings to look at, but finding a day when the sky isn’t leaking so you can properly enjoy them can be a challenge.

And don’t even mention Australia. You’ll need all of $100,000 just to keep the air conditioning running in summer and the family dosed up on anti-venom when they bump into the local wildlife. And it’s full of bloody Australian’s anyway.

Although I’m not about to go all gooey and proclaim NZ the capital of all that is awesome, because I’m fully aware that for any given thing you care to mention someone, somewhere will do it better. The Italian’s have better food, the Swiss better scenery, the American’s better entertainment, the British a better health service; the list could go on for ever.

But crucially, there is absolutely nothing that we do badly. Our beaches are great, our cities cool, the mountains of the Southern Alps are stunning, the people are friendly and if we’re being brutally honest, the wages aren’t at sweat shop levels either. Sure there may be politicians and newspaper editors trying to cause ructions by playing to the financial avarice inherent in all of us, but take every last thing into consideration and you’ll realise that while the base salaries may not be the flashest, the whole package is nigh on unbeatable.

And the good news is that most people seem to realise it too – they must do, because the Mazda MX-5 continues to sell for Africa.

Much like Kiwi salaries, the figures associated with the MX-5 are not much to write home about. While the days of the asthmatic 1.6 variant have gone, there are still plenty of family cars that will make it look rather foolish in a straight line and there isn’t a neighbour in the world who will get badge envy over one of Fuchú’s finest.

......or consider an alternative package?

I’m not going to pretend that the styling overly excites me either. Yes, the MK 1’s Lotus Elan inspired looks had a certain olde worlde charm, but subsequent revisions certainly haven’t been what you would call head turners.

But crucially, neither of the above things are a let down. Performance is brisk and there’s certainly nothing offensive about the little Mazda from whichever angle you look at it. And the absolute best way to look at it is from behind the steering wheel, because when you get an MX-5 – any MX-5 – on a winding back road, it simply comes alive.

Encased in the snug cockpit, slung low to the ground and with the wind in your hair the sensation of speed belies the relatively tame numbers on the dials in front of you. Once into the bends the MX-5 clings to the tarmac more tightly than a Syrian President holds onto power; the thrill of hard driving in one of these little beauties can rightly be compared with ostensibly more sporting cars costing several times as much.

And best of all when the fun is over, the MX-5 becomes a normal car again. Unlike traditional roadsters the roof doesn’t leak, with the hard top up the boot offers ample room for shopping or travel bags and it has developed an enviable reputation for reliability and longevity.

It’s little wonder that with 20 years production and over 900,000 examples behind it, the MX-5 is the best-selling two-seat convertible sports car in history. For my money it could lay a claim to being one of the great cars of all time and I could go on for hours telling you over and over how wonderful it is.

But that would be a waste of words and I wouldn’t want to make Jack any grumpier.

McLaren Automotive opens flagship showroom in London

June 21st, 2011 by Darren Cottingham

McLaren Automotive is going global and today marks an important moment in the history of the carmaker as it opens the doors for the first time on its new flagship showroom in London.

The striking new sales space is located at One Hyde Park in the English capital and is the first of a world wide network of 35 dealerships planned in over 19 countries. The UK will host two other McLaren outlets in Birmingham and Manchester, other locations in Europe include Düsseldorf, Hamburg, Frankfurt, Munich, Brussels, Paris, Madrid, Zurich and Monaco.

The McLaren network then stretches to North America with the USA receiving the most outlets of any one country these include Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, New York, Miami, Newport Beach, Philadelphia, San Francisco and Tampa, while in Canada, Toronto is the only spot.

With the McLaren dealerships appearing where the money is, the Middle East gets its share. Shops will open in Abu Dhabi and Dubai, Qatar, Jeddah and Riyadh in Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. Africa’s only dealership is in Johannesburg, South Africa and the Asia/Pacific region gets five stores, in Hong Kong, Singapore, Sydney, Tokyo and Osaka. Continue reading “McLaren Automotive opens flagship showroom in London” »