Tiger Woods – great at golf crap at burnouts

Tiger Woods – great at golf crap at burnouts

It’s all coming up Tiger Woods in the media this week, doesn’t matter where you look it’s all about the great golfer’s fall from grace. As the truth begins to surface people develop a blood-lust for details on why Tiger’s squeaky clean reputation now looks like the toilets at a trance gig.

See I don’t really want to know why he cheated on his wife, that’s obvious to every man out there. It’s because no matter how hot your Mrs is there is always going to be moments of weakness when you’re tired with what you’ve got and the grass looks greener elsewhere. I mean the fine female temptations that would throw themselves at Tiger would be more than any man could bear, and he failed. It ain’t cool, it ain’t right, but it happens. So that’s no mystery.The big mystery for me is why exactly he crashed his car, he wasn’t drunk, that’s been made clear, he was in the drivers seat and in control, his Viking wife was smashing windows quicker than world’s fastest stoner Michael Phelps smashes swimming records, but it still isn’t that obvious. My theory is that Tiger went for the angry burnout and it went 100 shades of wrong.

I mean, who of us hasn’t pulled the angry burnout at least once, you know, when you have an argument and you want to push home your point with a squealing, smoking burnout. It’s like the door-slam but in a car.

So Tiger gets into his SUV after a heated debate on weather sleeping with a cocktail waitress counts as cheating and his psycho wife smashes two windows of his balls-out pimping Cadillac Escalade, probably bending his favourite 3-iron in the process. So he’s dark – as in angry, and decides to retaliate with a burnout right in her face, seems logical, the Escalade is a very powerful vehicle. So Tiger flicks off the traction control plants his right foot and lights up the back wheels, it’s all going to plan his wife is choking on the smoke he’s throwing out, the local kids are diggin it, suddenly he loses control hits a shrub a fire hydrant (which should just be underground anyway) and whatever else and knocks himself out. Just another sad case of when good burnouts go bad. Case closed.

What gets me choked up is what Tiger’s dad Earl Woods must be feeling looking down from heaven on the situation, he must be thinking: ‘Damn, I really messed up, spent thousands of hours on the course teaching Tiger to be the greatest golfer the World has ever seen and I couldn’t even do ten minutes in the carpark with the boy showing him how to do a rightous burnout.’

Heartbreaking really, for Tiger’s Dad, Tiger himself, the Escalade and of course Tiger’s fiesty Mrs, but also for General Motors. Why? Because it turns out they own the Cadillac Escalade that got smashed up, and the last thing they need is another bill.

tigerfrontx-wide-community

It’s all coming up Tiger Woods in the media this week, doesn’t matter where you look it’s all about the great golfer’s fall from grace. As the truth begins to surface people develop a blood-lust for details on why Tiger’s squeaky clean reputation now looks like the toilets at a trance gig.

See I don’t really want to know why he cheated on his wife, that’s obvious to every man out there. It’s because no matter how hot your Mrs is there is always going to be moments of weakness when you’re tired with what you’ve got and the grass looks greener elsewhere. I mean the fine female temptations that would throw themselves at Tiger would be more than any man could bear, and he failed. It ain’t cool, it ain’t right, but it happens. So that’s no mystery.The big mystery for me is why exactly he crashed his car, he wasn’t drunk, that’s been made clear, he was in the drivers seat and in control, his Viking wife was smashing windows quicker than world’s fastest stoner Michael Phelps smashes swimming records, but it still isn’t that obvious. My theory is that Tiger went for the angry burnout and it went 100 shades of wrong.

I mean, who of us hasn’t pulled the angry burnout at least once, you know, when you have an argument and you want to push home your point with a squealing, smoking burnout. It’s like the door-slam but in a car.

So Tiger gets into his SUV after a heated debate on weather sleeping with a cocktail waitress counts as cheating and his psycho wife smashes two windows of his balls-out pimping Cadillac Escalade, probably bending his favourite 3-iron in the process. So he’s dark – as in angry, and decides to retaliate with a burnout right in her face, seems logical, the Escalade is a very powerful vehicle. So Tiger flicks off the traction control plants his right foot and lights up the back wheels, it’s all going to plan his wife is choking on the smoke he’s throwing out, the local kids are diggin it, suddenly he loses control hits a shrub a fire hydrant (which should just be underground anyway) and whatever else and knocks himself out. Just another sad case of when good burnouts go bad. Case closed.

What gets me choked up is what Tiger’s dad Earl Woods must be feeling looking down from heaven on the situation, he must be thinking: ‘Damn, I really messed up, spent thousands of hours on the course teaching Tiger to be the greatest golfer the World has ever seen and I couldn’t even do ten minutes in the carpark with the boy showing him how to do a rightous burnout.’

Heartbreaking really, for Tiger’s Dad, Tiger himself, the Escalade and of course Tiger’s fiesty Mrs, but also for General Motors. Why? Because it turns out they own the Cadillac Escalade that got smashed up, and the last thing they need is another bill.

tigerfrontx-wide-community

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