Stick beatings and Italian design

Stick beatings and Italian design

My last blog post focused largely on beating kit set furniture with a 20oz hammer, now in a continuation of this beating stuff with stuff theme we should move on to stick beatings.

My youth didn’t see much in the way of stick beatings, on the receiving end I got a few across the back end with the old wooden spoon, so Mum I know you’re one of the five people who read this blog and you should be ashamed, smacking kids is now illegal which must mean it was always morally incorrect. As for giving stick beatings I have to blame Mum for that too, no Piñatas at birthday parties and no overseas trips to Korean protest marches meant I missed out on beating anything or anyone with a stick.

In fact it wasn’t until I left Mum well behind and bailed to Japan that I got my first taste for stick beatings. My enemy was my futon mattress, the scene was the 12th floor balcony of my apartment building. What you’re meant to do is attach the futon mattress to the balcony rail with a large peg-thing, then beat the crap out of it. This should be done twice a week at least, but to help uphold the dirty foreigner stereotype I would do this about fortnightly. But I took pleasure in beating my futon harder and with greater venom than any of my noodle-armed neighbours, only real problem was dust. So I would tie a tea towel around my nose and mouth and like some domestic bandit beat my futon to the death. One day during a heavy futon beating session my hands got sweaty and the stick flew from my hands and fell 12 floors to the street below where it was collected with a thud by a passing taxi sounding like it hit the Taxi’s front grille rather than the wheels. To uphold the irresponsible foreigner stereotype I quickly dragged my futon back inside and shut up the balcony, knowing that the angry taxi driver could never tell which of the dozens of apartments the stick could have come from. I made a mental note to buy a new futon beater possibly with a gripped handle, but this was unnecessary. When I went out later that day, I was amazed to see my beating stick placed in the foyer of my apartment building returned and still in one piece. But that’s Japan for you.

Shifting from Japan to Italy but staying with stick beatings. Italian car design is known for its flowing lines and aesthetic flair, but not all Italian designs hit the mark. For every success there are a couple of duds that slip through the cracks, and if dodgy Italian car design really hacks you off now you can do something about it. The iMotor website crew have developed an online game where you can beat Italian designed cars with an ugly stick. Problem is the game is really crap, so crap that it gives stick-beatings a bad name and is undeserving of a link in this post. If you do want to play some real games check out Drift Legends and Super Lap Legends, no sticks are involved unfortunately, just good fun.

Ugly Stick Game

My last blog post focused largely on beating kit set furniture with a 20oz hammer, now in a continuation of this beating stuff with stuff theme we should move on to stick beatings.

My youth didn’t see much in the way of stick beatings, on the receiving end I got a few across the back end with the old wooden spoon, so Mum I know you’re one of the five people who read this blog and you should be ashamed, smacking kids is now illegal which must mean it was always morally incorrect. As for giving stick beatings I have to blame Mum for that too, no Piñatas at birthday parties and no overseas trips to Korean protest marches meant I missed out on beating anything or anyone with a stick.

In fact it wasn’t until I left Mum well behind and bailed to Japan that I got my first taste for stick beatings. My enemy was my futon mattress, the scene was the 12th floor balcony of my apartment building. What you’re meant to do is attach the futon mattress to the balcony rail with a large peg-thing, then beat the crap out of it. This should be done twice a week at least, but to help uphold the dirty foreigner stereotype I would do this about fortnightly. But I took pleasure in beating my futon harder and with greater venom than any of my noodle-armed neighbours, only real problem was dust. So I would tie a tea towel around my nose and mouth and like some domestic bandit beat my futon to the death. One day during a heavy futon beating session my hands got sweaty and the stick flew from my hands and fell 12 floors to the street below where it was collected with a thud by a passing taxi sounding like it hit the Taxi’s front grille rather than the wheels. To uphold the irresponsible foreigner stereotype I quickly dragged my futon back inside and shut up the balcony, knowing that the angry taxi driver could never tell which of the dozens of apartments the stick could have come from. I made a mental note to buy a new futon beater possibly with a gripped handle, but this was unnecessary. When I went out later that day, I was amazed to see my beating stick placed in the foyer of my apartment building returned and still in one piece. But that’s Japan for you.

Shifting from Japan to Italy but staying with stick beatings. Italian car design is known for its flowing lines and aesthetic flair, but not all Italian designs hit the mark. For every success there are a couple of duds that slip through the cracks, and if dodgy Italian car design really hacks you off now you can do something about it. The iMotor website crew have developed an online game where you can beat Italian designed cars with an ugly stick. Problem is the game is really crap, so crap that it gives stick-beatings a bad name and is undeserving of a link in this post. If you do want to play some real games check out Drift Legends and Super Lap Legends, no sticks are involved unfortunately, just good fun.

Ugly Stick Game

« | »

Let us know what you think

Loading Facebook Comments ...

Road Tests

Silver Sponsors

Car and SUV Team

Richard-Edwards-2016Richard Edwards

Managing editor

linkedinphotoDarren Cottingham

Motoring writer

robertbarry-headRobert Barry

Chief reporter

Ian-Ferguson-6Ian Ferguson

Advertising Consultant

debDeborah Baxter

Operations Manager

RSS Latest News from Autotalk

RSS Latest News from Dieseltalk

Read previous post:
Nissan 370Z Roadster looks sharp on debut

The New York Auto Show has fired up and manufacturers are already showing off their latest wares. Nissan just tore...

Close