I’ll save you Caterham

I’ll save you Caterham

English sports car maker Caterham announced this week that it is making an entire new model. So what? I hear you say. Well Caterham is a very interesting car company; it only has one vehicle the Caterham 7 a hand-me-down model from Lotus cars. Now, in a marketing gimmick first named ‘Project Splitwheel’, Caterham is opening up its design and development program to the public via the internet using crowd sourcing techniques. This will enable car enthusiasts to give their input into the new model for the big decisions like engine capacity right down to the finer details like the new models name. Now this crowd sourcing idea sounds pretty cool, but it didn’t work out that well for crap Hollywood action movie Snakes on a Plane, did it?. So Caterham is clearly creatively challenged and has sent out a post-modern distress call, one that I shall answer.

I’ll leave the tough mechanical decisions to Caterham and those taking project Splitwheel seriously. My suggestions for the vehicle will be of a more important and functional nature, these shall include:

* Paua shell detailing — all over the dash, inserts in the doors and naturally the ashtray.

* Automated passenger seat restraint straps, for passengers who feel it’s acceptable to change the radio station or turn off traction control (as a joke).

* Cup Holders in 4 different sizes to take Red Bull cans up to Powerade bottles.

* A detachable baseball bat rear spoiler, (that generates beat-downforce) for road-rage or counter road-rage applications.

* Air horns that can play the Dukes of Hazard riff, Mr Whippy tune and can be owner programmed for any future annoying jingles.

* Torturous anti-theft measures that automatically lock the thief inside the vehicle and play Julio Iglesias on the stereo at full whack.

* A shotgun-call sensor, that can hear the call from 50meters away and give a fair verdict on who yelled it first, this will avoid passenger arguments, and maintain a harmonious driving experience

* Model name suggestion: The Caterham iRule, (Sports variant: Caterham iRuleZ)

That’s just a taster, once the execs at Caterham receive my full brief they will probably fly me to the UK, and give me a high-level position on the design team. That will sadly mark the end of this blog, have to wait and see.If you want to help Caterham too, click the link below and visit the Splitwheel website. But don’t steal my ideas.

www.splitwheel.com

English sports car maker Caterham announced this week that it is making an entire new model. So what? I hear you say. Well Caterham is a very interesting car company; it only has one vehicle the Caterham 7 a hand-me-down model from Lotus cars. Now, in a marketing gimmick first named ‘Project Splitwheel’, Caterham is opening up its design and development program to the public via the internet using crowd sourcing techniques. This will enable car enthusiasts to give their input into the new model for the big decisions like engine capacity right down to the finer details like the new models name. Now this crowd sourcing idea sounds pretty cool, but it didn’t work out that well for crap Hollywood action movie Snakes on a Plane, did it?. So Caterham is clearly creatively challenged and has sent out a post-modern distress call, one that I shall answer.

I’ll leave the tough mechanical decisions to Caterham and those taking project Splitwheel seriously. My suggestions for the vehicle will be of a more important and functional nature, these shall include:

* Paua shell detailing — all over the dash, inserts in the doors and naturally the ashtray.

* Automated passenger seat restraint straps, for passengers who feel it’s acceptable to change the radio station or turn off traction control (as a joke).

* Cup Holders in 4 different sizes to take Red Bull cans up to Powerade bottles.

* A detachable baseball bat rear spoiler, (that generates beat-downforce) for road-rage or counter road-rage applications.

* Air horns that can play the Dukes of Hazard riff, Mr Whippy tune and can be owner programmed for any future annoying jingles.

* Torturous anti-theft measures that automatically lock the thief inside the vehicle and play Julio Iglesias on the stereo at full whack.

* A shotgun-call sensor, that can hear the call from 50meters away and give a fair verdict on who yelled it first, this will avoid passenger arguments, and maintain a harmonious driving experience

* Model name suggestion: The Caterham iRule, (Sports variant: Caterham iRuleZ)

That’s just a taster, once the execs at Caterham receive my full brief they will probably fly me to the UK, and give me a high-level position on the design team. That will sadly mark the end of this blog, have to wait and see.If you want to help Caterham too, click the link below and visit the Splitwheel website. But don’t steal my ideas.

www.splitwheel.com

« | »

Let us know what you think

Loading Facebook Comments ...

Road Tests

Silver Sponsors

Car and SUV Team

Richard-Edwards-2016Richard Edwards

Managing editor

linkedinphotoDarren Cottingham

Motoring writer

robertbarry-headRobert Barry

Chief reporter

Ian-Ferguson-6Ian Ferguson

Advertising Consultant

debDeborah Baxter

Operations Manager

RSS Latest News from Autotalk

RSS Latest News from Dieseltalk

Read previous post:
Mercedes-Benz ML320 CDI Edition 10 2008 Review

The Mercedes ML320 CDI is an impossible blend of a stay at home mum and an Uzi-carrying, drug-pushing gangster. It...

Close