Had an accident? It might be bad korma…

Had an accident? It might be bad korma…

An innocuous drive into Takapuna last night opened my eyes to the benefits of what might possibly be the single most important safety device ever installed on a vehicle. Things could have turned out very differently had my elderly Nissan Primera been blessed with such a feature.

I was only doing the 50kph speed limit, but when an old lady stepped out in front of me I rushed to hit the brakes and disaster ensued – the sudden transfer of weight caused an imbalance in the vehicle, resulting in the catastrophic sloshing of beef vindaloo all over my floor mats.

I had previously assumed, mainly due to the number of times I’ve come close to stuffing a car into a lamp-post, that the single biggest distraction to drivers is women joggers wearing minimal amounts of lycra but trust me, I was wrong. When an errant gupter is doing its best to make your footwell look like the aftermath of a Rambo battle scene, an entire herd of joggers could despatch their lycra, sit on your windscreen and you wouldn’t notice a thing. And even when control of your dinner is regained, it means having to drive the rest of the way home leaning into the footwell to stop the carrier bag – which by now resembles a cumin-based colostomy – wreaking more havoc on your upholstery.

All of which results in a car going through a brief period where the prevailing wind has as much say on the direction of travel as the person behind the wheel. And the situation only marginally improves when enough command is regained to conclude the journey in a posture that suggests recent suffrage of a fairly major stroke.

Even a complete dimwit can understand that this is potentially very dangerous to not only the driver, but also fellow motorists and pedestrians alike. So I find it completely baffling that every single car produced since the inception of the take-away hasn’t been fitted with a curry hook. First launched in 1989 in the Land Rover Discovery, this small clip in the passenger footwell is designed to keep takeaways upright at all times and would have averted not only my own culinary disaster, but also the countless other occasions where lives are put at risk by drivers preoccupied with a butter chicken breakout.

Airbags, seatbelt pre-tensioners and crumple zones are just some of the devices that have been lauded up as great bastions of motoring safety, but for my money they are all beaten into a cocked hat by the humble cuzza hook. Prevention, as we all know, is better than the cure and this simple piece of plastic plays its trump card by stopping the distraction that causes accidents in the first place.

And in case you were wondering, the old lady was absolutely fine. My naan on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.

An innocuous drive into Takapuna last night opened my eyes to the benefits of what might possibly be the single most important safety device ever installed on a vehicle. Things could have turned out very differently had my elderly Nissan Primera been blessed with such a feature.

I was only doing the 50kph speed limit, but when an old lady stepped out in front of me I rushed to hit the brakes and disaster ensued – the sudden transfer of weight caused an imbalance in the vehicle, resulting in the catastrophic sloshing of beef vindaloo all over my floor mats.

I had previously assumed, mainly due to the number of times I’ve come close to stuffing a car into a lamp-post, that the single biggest distraction to drivers is women joggers wearing minimal amounts of lycra but trust me, I was wrong. When an errant gupter is doing its best to make your footwell look like the aftermath of a Rambo battle scene, an entire herd of joggers could despatch their lycra, sit on your windscreen and you wouldn’t notice a thing. And even when control of your dinner is regained, it means having to drive the rest of the way home leaning into the footwell to stop the carrier bag – which by now resembles a cumin-based colostomy – wreaking more havoc on your upholstery.

All of which results in a car going through a brief period where the prevailing wind has as much say on the direction of travel as the person behind the wheel. And the situation only marginally improves when enough command is regained to conclude the journey in a posture that suggests recent suffrage of a fairly major stroke.

Even a complete dimwit can understand that this is potentially very dangerous to not only the driver, but also fellow motorists and pedestrians alike. So I find it completely baffling that every single car produced since the inception of the take-away hasn’t been fitted with a curry hook. First launched in 1989 in the Land Rover Discovery, this small clip in the passenger footwell is designed to keep takeaways upright at all times and would have averted not only my own culinary disaster, but also the countless other occasions where lives are put at risk by drivers preoccupied with a butter chicken breakout.

Airbags, seatbelt pre-tensioners and crumple zones are just some of the devices that have been lauded up as great bastions of motoring safety, but for my money they are all beaten into a cocked hat by the humble cuzza hook. Prevention, as we all know, is better than the cure and this simple piece of plastic plays its trump card by stopping the distraction that causes accidents in the first place.

And in case you were wondering, the old lady was absolutely fine. My naan on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.

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